Sybil yawned. “Didn’t we see this story before?”

“I don’t think so. Though, it’s a common story,” Toya said. “Remember when we are small and one small boy will come and say, my uncle, said I should call you.”

Abigail laughed. “I thought that happened only to village girls.”

“I even had a boy come to me on behalf of his friend.” Sybil laughed. “I was like, for real? He cannot talk for himself?”

Toya snickered. “That is so funny. Friend ke?”

“The bad part is that I had been having a crush on the silly boy, so when he came, I was happy. Only for him to say he was asking for a friend.” Sybil rolled her eyes. “Chei!”

“Ewooo! You should have just told him you like him too,” Abigail said.

“Ah, I was a hot chick on the street o.” Sybil sniffed. “Wanted by all the boys except that clown.”

“I think he liked you too, and was hiding behind his friend,” Toya said.

Sybil smiled. “Shey, little coward.”

“I’ll read what we have here,” Toya said.

Dear BSS Crew, my name is BB and my brother’s name is DB. He’s currently married, though separated from his wife. The wife has been trying to get back to him though my brother says he’s done – he doesn’t want the wife anymore. Even her family has tried to intervene. I think she cheated on him. Anyway, DB started dating this really nice and beautiful girl in my office. This girl is really cool. She’s respectful, hardworking, and very pretty. My brother said he fell for her the first time he saw her.

Recently, he proposed to her, but she wants to take things easy. And now she’s also asking me questions about my brother. DB had warned me not to let her know he’s still married. The divorce papers have not even been filed as my parents also asked him to slow down, families are still talking about the marriage.

The girl has asked me if my brother is hiding anything from her and I said no. She’s my very good office friend and I feel rotten to lie but I don’t know what else to do. I feel my Pinocchio nose will get longer and the girl will find out I am lying and detest me.

“I will detest you, definitely, but my allegiance is to my brother.”

“It’s not fair he’s making her lie.”

“Why not just tell the girl he’s separated?”

“If the girl is as hot as BB says, she probably made it clear she doesn’t want to marry a divorcee.”

“Better tell the truth. Than for her to find out.”

“You’re right. But what does BB do? She’s now in the middle.”

“I don’t think she has any issues. She should call her brother and make it clear she’s going to tell. Either he tells her himself or she does.”

“How would she do that?  His relationship is none of her business.”

“But it is. As soon as the brother said, don’t tell, and the lady said tell me about your brother…”

“I’ll just say I don’t involve myself.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Is he older or younger?”

“Doesn’t say.”

“This is really not difficult. BB needs to tell DB the game is over. Let him know she’s going to tell the lady he is still married, and his wife doesn’t want to give him a divorce.”

“Easier said than done.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I know! You think DB will start begging BB not to talk? He will manipulate her, threaten her. And from this post, she seems to either fear him or really very protective.”

“Or both.”

“Well, possibly.”

“So, what’s our verdict?”

“She needs to keep the pretense.”

“I disagree.”

“She should confide in someone who can talk to DB.”

“Can work, possibly. But we don’t know if DB is generally a bully.”

“I’ll just tell the girl the truth. Damn the consequences.”

“I don’t even know what to think again. To tell or not to tell? Sai!”

“I will err on the side of truth. BB should tell DB she’s going to spill the beans the next time the girl asks her. If DB doesn’t tell her.”

“Sounds simple but it’s e…”

“Zier said than done. That’s the verdict, biko. Let’s pray.”





“What does it mean?”


Toya cooed. “I have the best in-laws.”

Sybil rolled her eyes. “I don’t.”

“Well, shall we say, I am comfortably in the middle.” Abigail laughed. “When I first arrived with my husband, my mother-in-law welcomed me with joy until she discovered I was Moses’ widow.”

“I can just imagine how horrified she was.” Toya gasped. “And, I mean, let me just ask. How did you even feel marrying your once-upon-a-time brother-in-law?”

Sybil snickered. “Who would have told her, anyway? Wasn’t that supposed to be none of her business?”

Abigail shrugged. “Elijah and I decided we would not tell anyone any of what happened back in Rivers. But then, after like a week, my mother-in-law came to our house huffing and puffing.”

“Maybe she went to find out about your family,” Sybil said. “My mother-in-law did. Very nasty woman!”

Toya shouted. “Investigating has its advantages o!”

“Of course, not when you mean it for evil. And ignore the good part and push only the bad.” Sybil snapped. “No family or person is perfect.”

“True that,” Toya said. “So, Abigail, talk to me. Moses just died and you were next thing cuddling his baby brother.”

Abigail threw back her head and laughed. “Chei! Gbeborun can kill some people.”

“Plus gbefila and gbegele!” Toya nodded. “Thank you. Answer question.”

“This is so funny.” Abigail chuckled. “You sef, don’t you see the guy? Heaven sees my heart; I fell for him the first time I saw him. Moses who?”

All three ladies laughed.

“I mean Moses was good riddance, honestly, God save his soul in heaven, but I was glad to be free of that marriage.” Abigail clasped her hand over her mouth. “Will God strike me down for saying that?”

“I can’t blame you.” Sybil shrugged. “You were how old, sixteen? He was cheating on you with a small boy, not giving you money…”

Toya scoffed. “You were abused! All the more reason why you should steer clear of his brother.”

Sybil arched an eyebrow. “Hian, Toya. Calm down.”

“I guess many people see me like that.” Abigail sighed. “The boy fine na!”

Sybil laughed. “You still making a joke of it?”

“I should cry? Huh.” Abigail kissed her teeth. “Elijah makes me happy. He’s compensation for how I suffered with this brother o!”

“Anyway, what’s this mother-in-law wanting on somebody’s bed?” Toya squinted at her screen. “Let me read.”

Dear BSS Crew. My name is EJ. The last time I visited my parents-in-law with my husband, my mother-in-law spent two hours straight berating me for being a bad influence on her son, while he sat there just gazing into space. Each time he tried to talk, she shut him up.

I told my husband I was never visiting his family home again. If any of them wanted to see me, they should come to my house. The truth is that his parents have never been supportive. On the contrary, out of their five children, my husband, who is a middle child is the only one who tries the best, giving, visiting, making me and our two children visit and so on. I have been my best, but these people are not satisfied.

Anyway, about four months after that visit, Mummy took ill. My husband offered that she should come and stay with us. I am a nurse, my husband is a doctor, and we could take better care of her with her in our house. I had two housemaids, and my two school-age children liked her.

Well, first night in our house, she complained that she had nightmares when she slept alone in a strange house and wanted to sleep in our bed. My husband and I exchanged glances. I shrugged and told him to do whatever he wanted. That night I was working night duty. But after I left the house, I had second thoughts.

Mummy has been in our house for a week and has slept in our bed every night. My husband pushed in a small bed and slept on it while I have slept with our daughter on the nights I did not work. I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not right. What do you suggest?

Sybil gasped. “Pure bullshit, excuse my Efik!”

Abigail laughed. “It’s Yoruba people who curse o, not Efik!”

“Her Ijesa people, abeg, not all Yorubas,” Toya said.

“Okay, excuse my Ijesa.” Sybil rolled her eyes. “But really. She what?”

“Which she? Mother-in-law or EJ?”

“Both! I will never agree to leave my bed for any mama! I even trust Jimmy.”

“Good point. If her husband did not object…”

“Exactly. He even moved a bed into the room so he could sleep with his mother.”

“Strange times and things.”

“Strange gini? Oh please. It’s not right. It’s madness.”

“Mama has fever. Why blame her?”

“I will scream that fever out of her body.”

“Believe me, a mama who can spend two hours berating you, fever or no, can scream louder than you o.”

“So disgusting.”

“What will you do?”

“If we have a guest room, I will move there. Let her and her son be doing stupidity. I need my peace, abeg.”

“I think her son should not condone that. Or they return her to her house, maybe with one of the maids until she gets better.”

“Or I join my bobo on the small bed. We make wild love until mama carries her wrapper and leave our room.”

“You have killed me. No! That is the comedy of the century.”

“Orgasm that I have not had for two weeks sef, I will explode it.”

“Oh, dear Lord.”

“Yelz! Nobody will tell her to get out of my room.”

“Can we be serious?”

“We are being serious!”

“Huh! So, is that a verdict?”

“Yes ma’am!”

“She should go and join her husband in the small bed?”

“And give him head! Desperate times call for desperate measures, baby!”

“Please, abeg. Let us pray. You two are way over your heads.”

“Let us pray! Haha.”





“Didn’t we see this story before?”


“I’m not talking about sex.” Toya shook her head. “Next!”

Sybil laughed. “Says the one who is more concerned about instrument than secret.”

“Every day is normal for me.” Abigail scoffed. “I’m married to a farmer, for crying out loud!”

“Huh? So, if he’s a farmer, nko?” Toya arched an eyebrow. “How does that change anything?”

“Sowing and reaping.” Abigail sniffed. “Is that difficult to figure out?”

The other two laughed.

Sybil screeched. “Wait o, this person is not talking about sex.” She squinted. “It’s date nights.”

“Hahahaha!” Toya guffawed. “Oh, you shouldn’t have mentioned it. Let the farmer’s wife explain how sex is equal to seedtime and harvest.”

“Abeg! What sort of heading did she come and give her post?” Abigail rolled her eyes. “People need to be taught how to present their matters.”

Toya bent over and hiccupped as she tried to control the bouts of laughter. “I can’t breathe o! You ladies have to stop, please.”

Sybil wiped laughing tears. “Next, we will be discussing styles.”

Abigail pursed her lips. “When you people finish lahving, can I read?”

Before we got married, my husband took me out at least three or four times a week. Sorry, hello BSS Crew. My name is WE. So, my husband always liked to hang out. Sometimes, we can even hang out every day for a week. During the holidays, carnival month especially, we hung out every day for a month. I am a nightcrawler and so was he. As soon as we got married, he stopped altogether. Someone who used to pick me up straight from work and we go out until midnight, now came home and just wanted to eat and watch TV or something. I couldn’t-can’t understand it. My husband says it is not normal for a married woman to be out on the night, even with her husband. I totally disagree. This was something we really enjoyed together. I am even puzzled that he had a complete turnaround and wants to be a potato couch.

To be sure I am not being silly, I met him at a club. It’s not as if I was the one who turned him into a crawler. His friends would sometimes come to the house, or we go visiting but clubbing, bars, night parties have stopped. FULL STOP, that is.

I have quarreled, tried to reason, nothing. My guy wants to just eat and sleep these days. So now, my question is, what’s normal? I hate coming home to eat and sleep so I want to propose date nights. Cinema, or dinner at someplace, maybe even the beach, go to a resort…things like that. What is okay?

“Get pregnant!” Toya laughed.

“Chei! That is so sexist, madam!” Sybil joined in.

“I don’t know o! This woman reminds me of one amebo who lived in my compound back in Rivers,” Abigail said. “She sits by her window to monitor everyone and everything.”

Toya exclaimed. “That comparison is so judgmental!”

Abigail gasped. “How? A married woman who doesn’t want to come home and cook and be with her husband is a complete amebo!”

“No, I disagree,” Toya said.

Abigail smirked. “Then why did you laugh, hypocrite!”

“Because I said the silliest thing on earth, for her to get pregnant,” Toya said. “Huh.”

“But what you said is probably what’s going on in her husband’s mind.” Sybil shrugged. “A woman gets married, the next thing they are looking at her stomach!”

Abigail nodded. “True. Doesn’t make it right, though.”

“It’s just the way we behave, especially in this country.” Sybil shook her head. “I was with my husband for just a few days after we got married, and then he returned to his base. Can you believe people were looking at my stomach?” She snickered. “When I saw my period, even my sweet mother cried.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s a horrible narrative we have to live with.”

“So, back to this night crawling woman, is it wrong for her to continue enjoying what she enjoyed as a single lady?”

“Of course not, but how does she plan to make her husband understand when he probably thinks she should be getting pregnant by now.”

“She didn’t mention that he thinks like that, though.”

“Because she’s not listening to him. How can a man change so suddenly? He’s trying to tell her something.”


“I don’t know. Maybe he wants to stay home so she won’t be able to go out.”

“He definitely wants her to stay home. His reason is unclear.”

“She needs to find out why. And start reorienting her mind about crawling.”

“I think she’s already doing that, by asking for date nights instead.”

“I think she shouldn’t ask for anything. She should just relax and enjoy staying at home.”

“She should pretend?”

“No! It’s not pretending. It’s compromising. Meeting him at his end of the conversation, and then slowly walking him towards her own end.”

“Is this the verdict?”

“You might be shocked by what his reasons are.”


“He may be afraid someone will steal her.”

“Oh, come on!”

“You just might not know.”

“Anyway, what’s normal? Once or twice? Without the seedtime and harvest coming in?”


“Once is okay. For such a man as her husband though, I’d say once in a month!”

“Isn’t that small?”

“For someone who wants to stay home, it’s a starting point.”

“We don’t do date nights.”

“We know.”

“For those who do, it also depends on the size of the family, and the type of jobs they do. There’s no hard and fast rule. She should just flow with her husband.”

“And that’s the verdict.”

“Let us pray.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes ke? What else? She needs to feel her husband’s vibes and meet him there. Any change to what’s going on has to be subtle.”

“Correct! Let’s pray.”





“I have the best in-laws.”

“I don’t.”


“It’s not easy something,” Abigail said.

“Submission is never an easy subject,” Toya said. “And when we listen to the older generation, it’s a different ball game entirely.”

“True. I couldn’t believe when my mum told me she submitted,” Sybil did the inverted comma sign, “all her income to my father at some point.”

“I thought your parents were never married,” Toya said.

Sybil scoffed. “That’s what I thought too. We lived alone but he visited. I thought he had other wives. I don’t know.”

Abigail frowned. “It’s incredible. And she gave him all her salary?”

“All her income. Capital and profit. She didn’t earn a salary,” Sybil said.

Toya shrugged. “Then what?”

“Then he would give her what we would feed on for the week, or month.” Sybil shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“That sucks.” Toya gasped. “Well, it just proves what I was saying. I never asked my mum how they handled money, but I remember she told me she had a secret purse.”

Abigail groaned. “Hmm, that’s a huge subject o!”

“Well,” Sybil sighed. “Let’s see what this post is about.”

Dear BSS Crew. My name is JJ. I have been married for just three years plus. When I first got married, I was working in a bank, but I left the job some months later after I couldn’t get a transfer to join my husband in his city. For some months, I couldn’t get a job, then I got pregnant, and had the first baby. Then the second came almost immediately.


“Toya, shut up.”

Well, now I’m back, and I just got a job. Before now, my husband gives me a weekly allowance and if I need anything, I tell him and he adds it. But now I have a job. I’ve had it for two months. A colleague asked me recently how much my husband gives me and I was confused. Since I started work, he hasn’t given me anything and really, my job pays well. I replied my colleague that I just ask when I need money, which is partly true, but I haven’t done so since I started work, and hubby has not given either. My issue is this: when it comes to money, must my husband give me something? I have been buying food and small stuff for the kids. He pays rent and daycare for the babies. Is this something we should sit down and discuss? And if he must give me money, how much is appropriate?

“Hmmm! Big, but important questions.” Sybil looked at the others. “Oya, go personal.”

Toya sighed. “Well, to be sincere, Frank and I never talked about money. Every month, he dumps a hundred grand in my account. We don’t have kids, as you both know. Don’t plan to have for a while.” She shrugged. “I use the money for housekeep and for myself.”

“A hundred grand for just two people. Now we know the rich ones.” Abigail laughed.

Toya pouted. “Very funny. You like to do comedy, sha.”

“Talk your own, jor. Let it out now!” Sybil clapped.

“We all know my husband is a farmer. Ah.” Abigail gasped. “What does a farmer’s wife need?”

“Oh dear. Abigail!” Sybil snapped. “If I come and catch you there.”

“Honestly, to God. He pays for everything. I have a bank card, but I have never bothered about the balance.” Abigail covered her face. “I have to check the balance on that account o.”

“Okay, we got you. Blank cheque.” Sybil laughed. “I get five hundred pounds every month.”

Toya arched an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“Yep. That’s it. We don’t pay rent as you know.” She shrugged. “I share a lot of stuff with the other women, you know, officers’ wives, we bulk buy food.”

“What do you use five hundred pounds for?”

“Personal stuff.”

“Isn’t that small?”

“I don’t spend it on anything. Jimmy funds all the credit cards for monthly expenses. Even to groceries.”

“So, basically, I am the only one who gets a regular amount for housekeeping.”


“So, how did we get to these agreements? For me, I saw a hundred grand in my account at the beginning of our first month and asked what it was for? He said housekeep. And that’s it.”

“You’ve been married for three years. No increase?”

“No increase.”

“What about inflation?”

“What does a farmer’s wife know about inflation?”


“Okay, what’s the verdict? JJ asked some serious questions.”

“Well, she’s had two months of silence, and if it’s bothering her, she should raise the matter with her hubby.”

“What if he says she’s working now and doesn’t need money.”

“Then she tells him, she needs money. She doesn’t have to fight. Just discuss.”

“But he stopped her allowance for two months and she said nothing. Which means she doesn’t need it!”

“I’ll just say a man needs to give his woman money. It’s part of his obligation. She should talk about money with him.”

“What if he says she’s working…”

“Then she has to tell him yes, but she wants them to start spending together, saving, doing capital projects and so on.”

“Some men don’t like to have that conversation.”

“All women need to have it. If your man doesn’t like it, then you need to find a way to bring it up.”

“Money is important.”

“Money is crucial.”

“So, how much should she ask him?”

“I’d say they have that conversation first. She should feel him out. Know what he thinks.”

“I’d just say what he gave her before she got the job. He still has it, he’s just not giving it.”

“Makes sense.”

“Or a fraction. Since she works now.”

“Ah, I had a colleague back when I was teaching, whose husband told her, keep your money! I own you.”

“God forbid!”

“What’s God forbid? The girl had no problem.”

“No o, we own each other. Simple.”

“Hmm, as in, you understand nah!”

“That’s where it starts from. All that I own you doesn’t work for me.”

“Another piece of advice for JJ. She could you know share responsibilities. If he earns more, she could take housekeeping while he paid school fees, house rent, the big stuff.”

“That’s a good one too.”

“And the nosy colleague who wants to know how much JJ gets, if she does?”

“If not for you ladies, and what we are trying to do here, no one knows how much I get. Not even my mother.”

“Good advice.”

“Do we have a verdict?”


“That was not too difficult, I think.”

“Just complicated, hah!”


“Let’s pray.”





“I’m not talking about sex.”


Sybil sighed. “I hate secrets.”

Toya nodded. “Me too. You know how heavy my heart thudded when Frank walked in the other day? He heard everything?”

“Secret destroy marriages faster than the other woman.” Abigail groaned. “Or man. Hmm, I know.”

Sybil clasped her hands. “But what secret could women find so unforgiveable?”

Toya shrugged. “He has a child outside.”

Sybil frowned. “Outside wedlock or before wedlock?”

“Both, I guess. I want to know if you have a child,” Toya said. “And where the mother is.”

“Child or children?” Abigail said.

Sybil gasped. “Ah! Children ke?”

“Ehen.” Abigail nodded. “What if it was just once and they came out twins?”

Sybil laughed. “Or triplets.”

“Triplets ko, tenplets ni.” Toya screeched. “I want to know, that’s my own.”

“I had a friend who was dating a married man. She never knew,” Sybil said. “He hid it so well. And he was planning a wedding with her.”

“But why?” Abigail gasped. “How did he plan to tell her?”

Toya shook her head. “Maybe he’d keep two homes. Some men are mad!”

“My friend got to know through a friend.” Sybil snickered. “She couldn’t believe o. Until they took her to the man’s house, and she met him there.”

Toya clapped. “Ah, I’ll throw you hot water.”

“Or she should just thank her God and quietly walk away,” Abigail said.

“That’s what she did.” Sybil shook her head. “She’s still single o, if you have a brother.”

“How old?”

“Just thirty.”

“She still has time.”

“This trans thing is now becoming an issue too. What if your man was born female?”

“Ah, what kind of nonsense secret is that?”

“I cannot marry a man born female, abeg!”

“What if he didn’t tell you? And his family too?”

“Well, is there a difference between a man born male and a man born female?”

“Heh! What kind of question is that? Is that not like marrying a woman?”

“I mean, if he has a functional instrument…”

“Oh. My. God. I can’t believe you can say that!”

“Well, as a Christian you can’t even test the instrument before marriage!”

“Ladies! Ladies! Oh, dear Lord, I can’t breathe.”

“I don’t care if he’s born male or born female if the thing is working…why not?”

“How will you know if it’s working? You can’t test it!”

“I don’t care if it’s working or not as long as he tells me he was born female.”

“Ah, this is another dimension. So, if it’s not working…”

“Oh, please please. I’m dying here o! It’s Sunday morning. I just prayed to God.”

“Exactly. We all pray to God, so it must work! However!”

“What again?”

“However, I have to know if I married a woman turned man o!”

“I’m tired, let’s pray please, you ladies have turned my stomach today.”

“Pray ke! We haven’t read the post.”

“Really? Hahahaha!”

“I’ll read.”

Dear BSS Crew, my name is DU. I just got to hear about the man I want to marry. He’s gay! What am I going to do? I already bought my dress. I am devastated. His friend, who is one of the groom’s men just came in for the wedding and said he wanted to meet me. He told me do I know I am marrying a gay guy? That my husband to be has been gay since his secondary school days in a boys only boarding school. That he was surprised he was getting married and wanted to meet the bride. I don’t know what to do. My wedding is in two days. Please what do I do?

“Hian! Two days. We didn’t see this post.”

“Funny, haha!”

“Two days. Tuesday?”

“This was posted yesterday.”

“People marry on Monday?”

“She needs an urgent answer. Verdict?”

“Too many loops. First, friend comes in two days to wedding to drop a bombshell, is he for real?”

“Daleru, daleru, in Helen Paul’s voice!”

“Hahaha. Today is comedy day.”

“I think she should go ahead with the wedding.”

“We don’t know how long they courted, what she knows about him and all that.”

“A day to the wedding? Better call a bad thing off before she lives with the consequences. I know.”

“She has to ask him. If he denies, then she should call the friend, and let them face off.”

“A day to the wedding?”

“A day before till death. That’s how I see it.”

“All the money spent on dress, hall, food?”

“Don’t be funny.”

“Is that the verdict? Face him?”


“What if it’s true?”

“Personal decision. Does she want to live with it? If yes, go ahead. If no, break it now.”

“Final verdict?”


“Can we pray now? Before you start with whether the instrument is…”

“Let’s pray.”





“It’s not easy something.”


“Yes,” Abigail said.

Sybil snickered. “No.”

Toya laughed. “Being married to a military man seem to have toughened rather than humbled you, Sybil.”

“Yes o, you can’t be married to my husband and be weak. Or he will override you.”

All the ladies laughed.

“Let’s see what this question is about.” Abigail cleared her throat. “Dear BSS Crew.”

My name is OY, and I read your column every day. It’s like my lifeline. I have learned so much and I am still learning. Six years ago, when I got married to my husband, my father gave me a piece of land in Lekki as a wedding gift. The area at the time was not developed and he casually said it was mine.

My father is still alive, but he called me recently and told me he wanted to survey the land in my name and give me the documents. And I thanked him. Until last week, I have not given thought to whose name will be on the property; then my husband called me and showed me the submission thing going on in the Christendom. The popular guy calling out the big man of God on the issue of submission.

The first thing my mind went to is the land my father has given me. I never told my husband about it because I never thought of it as a big deal. I mean, I got a lot of wedding gifts including a car, and it’s all in my name. Some my husband knows about, like the car, and some he doesn’t know like jewelry from my friends and so on.

We got into a debate and my husband agrees with the man of God. I agree with the celebrity guy. What do you think? And specifically, should I tell my husband about the land Daddy gave me. It’s worth almost half a billion naira and the most expensive thing my husband and I have.

Sybil rubbed her palms. “Hmm, tough one.”

“Well, let me start by saying I come from a very poor background. Land worth half a billion naira?” Abigail laughed. “They bury gold inside?”

“Ewoo! Abigail! You won’t kill me o!” Toya screamed. “Banana Island has property worth millions of dollars. This her land sef may just be two or three plots.”

“Can’t be up to an acre,” Sybil said.

“How can land be so expensive? My husband just sold one acre of his land for whether two hundred or three hundred.”

Sybil scoffed. “Million?”

“Thousand!” Abigail gasped. “Hian! Lagos na wa!”

Toya bent over laughing.

“So, anyway,” Sybil swallowed her laughter. “Our girl OY obviously comes from a lot of money. Doesn’t look like her hubby does, though.”

“She doesn’t say. But the land is the most expensive thing between them.” Toya shrugged. “Doesn’t mean he may have a lot of money too.”

“I think he’s rich to some extent,” Abigail said. “But now he believes she should submit in everything.”

“You know, somehow, I’ve been expecting this to come up here,” Toya said. “Submission is such a delicate topic. Frank brought it up honestly and supports the unbeliever guy. Wives submit, yes. But the Bible also says we should submit to each other.”

Sybil leaned forward. “So what do you think about submission, Toya?”

“I agree, wives submit in everything. But husband too should submit in everything.” Toya shrugged. “We all just do it at different degrees based on trust. The more we trust each other, the easier it is to submit.”

“I agree. I don’t think someone should impose all submission on the woman alone.” Sybil snickered. “Regardless of who has that opinion.”

“Many pastors’ wives suffer in silence,” Toya said softly. “See the one who just got killed.”

Abigail grabbed her head. “Don’t remind me.”

“What do you think about submission, Abigail?”

“I really think a woman should submit in everything, and a man should love his wife,” Abigail said. “That’s what I was taught growing up. And it’s what I practice in my marriage. Also, remember I am so much younger than him, and far poorer, less educated.”

“And you know that is also a real debate that I have heard of. You know,” Sybil said. “Difference in class, age and status generally make it look like the woman must submit.”

“I just like to stick to what the Bible says on that and try my best to do it,” Abigail said.

“Again, you have a husband who loves you and won’t take advantage of your submissiveness.” Toya pointed at Abigail. “Someone easy to submit to.”

Abigail laughed. “Well, yes. He minds himself most of the time.”

“The word of God still says wives submit, husbands love,” Sybil said. “I’ve heard people argue the husband needs to love first, which makes sense because Christ first loved the church.”

“True.” Toya exchanged glances with the ladies. “So, to OY. Should she tell about the land or not?”

“I think she should but only after her father gives her the papers.”

“In her name or she should ask for the land to be in both their names?”

“In her name! It’s her gift.”

“And for someone already saying he believes a woman should submit in everything, I don’t trust him.”

“It may just be that he respects the man of God who said so. Many people just follow anything a man of God they respect says.”

“Which is silly if you ask me.”

“That’s why they sow their monthly salary and starve while the father in the lord is flying private jeep!”

“Chai! You will not kill someone. You have issues. Shey, you know.”

“I know. I don’t sow nada!”

“Okay, that is for another day. Do we have our verdict?”


“She should tell her husband about the land, only after she gets the papers. Papers of the land in her name.”


“Should she tell her father to put the land in her name or with her husband’s?”

“She should leave that to her father’s discretion but if he asks about it, then she should have it in her name. Alone.”

“We should learn to build trust. That’s more important. Then nobody cares who is submitting to who. Because we are both effortlessly submitting.”

“If we all mind ourselves, hahaha.”

“Very true.”

“Let us pray.”






“I hate secrets.”



“Did you see the story online?” Sybil gasped. “Did a pastor just kill his wife?”

Toya sighed. “Yes. Sad.”

“I couldn’t read the story or watch the videos,” Abigail said. “I’ve cried at least twice today.”

“I don’t think we should even read anything today,” Sybil said. “I am looking forward to a day when men will not be able to kill the woman they once professed to love.”

Abigail rubbed her forehead. “How do you mean?”

“I mean, a day when a woman will know it’s time to leave and not take the crap anymore.”

“Does being a pastor make a difference, though?” Toya pressed her lips together.

“He’s a fake pastor!” Abigail cried. “No good man, not to talk of a pastor will do this.”

“I. Watched the videos. There are quite a number of them going around,” Toya said. “He is a pastor. But that does not mean he is any less a man.”

“No!” Abigail snapped. “I totally disagree. If a man’s life work is to lead others in the right way, then his standards of living must be higher.”

“You’re right.” Toya threw her hands up. “But just as not every lawyer is a good lawyer, or doctor or writer, also, not every good pastor is a good one.”

“He’s not only a bad pastor, he’s a bad man.” Sybil smirked. “Has any of you ladies been physically abused by a man before?”

“God forbid!” Toya gritted her teeth. “I can never.”

“Well, you both know I was in a very abusive relationship,” Sybil said. “I still can’t forget that day, when the idiot was beating me in the back of our house, while my mother cooked for him in the kitchen.”

Abigail sighed. “That’s so terrible.”

“You know one thing I always felt? Shame.” Sybil shook her head. “Deep shame. Somehow the evil man made me think I was the one something was wrong with. He made me second-guess my standards.” She exhaled. “I’m not sleeping with you before marriage. And he made me feel I was wrong.”

“I think that is one of the things they do. They make you feel as if you are the evil one.” Toya shuddered. “I guess.”

“Yes. They do.” Sybil clapped. “You are the reason I have an erection, the idiot said one day. You are so beautiful, and you blame me for wanting you!”

“What?” Abigail scoffed. “What kind of dirty talk is that?”

“Sounds like what a rapist will tell a girl. You showed your cleavage. Or or your skirt is short.” Toya screamed. “Goodness! What can be done to all these evil people?”

“I don’t know.” Sybil shrugged. “I just want to encourage girls and women to see the signs and run. Don’t play superwoman or stupidwoman. Run!”

“But some come after you. Like in this case, she had left…”

“But she returned to take stuff. When you run, you don’t look back. Leave town if possible.”

“Leave her job and family? What if he’s just bluffing?”

“What if he’s not!”

“So, you blame the woman for not running? Shit! You blame her for deciding to keep her job and be close to her family? You blame her for getting killed?”

“No! Of course not! And don’t swear, please.”

“I can swear all I want right now, and you can’t do anything about it! You can’t blame a woman for quietly moving on.”

“I did not.”

“You did! And I can swear!”

“Stop! Please. You can’t swear. And you did blame the woman. You called her stupidwoman and superwoman.”

“It. Just. Hurts. So. Bad.”

“I’m sorry for swearing.”

“Sisters need to take every single threat as serious. It may be paranoia, but it may save their lives.”

“Look at that beautiful woman? Even in the video, in the middle of her distress, she looked so pretty.”

“Is it enough to push for very stiff penalties for abusive men? My husband cut off fingers. You can’t hit me if you can’t hold your own spoon.”

“Funny but not funny. I wish they could all get that, but it is the height of brutality against human rights.”

“We deviate. A woman gets a slap, she needs to sound a warning. Don’t. Please please don’t ever think you deserved it. Report.”

“If he does it a second time, leave.”

“We can never fully avoid this kind of violence but women also need to want out and be done with give me one more chance!”

“We pray for the family of the bereaved. And seek justice to the highest.”

“Death penalty.”

“An eye for an eye.”

“Not today, ladies, please let’s not argue about capital punishment.”

“We pray for the soul of the dead, her family, and for every woman in an abusive relationship. Courage to speak up. Run. Leave. Get help!”













“He’s a fool.” Abigail shook her head. “I don’t understand these men.”

Sybil laughed. “Judgmental!”

Abigail shrugged. “Honestly. I wonder what goes on in their heads.”

“Well, let’s see what’s going on there,” Toya said. “I’ll read.”

Sybil nodded. “Go ahead, madam!”

Abigail snickered. “She like the sound of her voice, chei!”

Toya arched an eyebrow. “Don’t blame me. See the woman crush that lady with an abused…”

“Read, abeg! Pretty woman!” Sybil laughed. “We hear you.”

Hello BSS Crew. My name is AY. My friend’s name is AY too, not the popular one, though he’s very funny too. When I first met him, I was with my group of what you’ll call “big girls” and he was just a regular guy. We were all in the same church, and only the rich and classy guys were our friends. I know he’s cute and has a great sense of humor, but he wasn’t anywhere near my type. He was also very quiet, and I liked outgoing and lively guys.

To cut a long story short, somehow, he made himself come close. First, he got really close to our Youth Pastor.

Sybil gasped. “Ehn? Youth Pastor? Is she a teenager or something?”

Abigail shushed. “Don’t interrupt!”

Our Youth Pastor is a really great guy and we all respect him so when he started asking AY to run errands and stuff, and always be around him, we all sort of noticed him too. I don’t know if our Youth Pastor was in on this, but soon, AY was the one sent to give us messages. Me, especially. He would come to our house, bring fruits or ice cream or sometimes assorted biscuits or chocolates. He would bring some books sometimes and ask if I had read, all under the pretext that Youth Pastor sent him to give or get something.

This is how we became close. Somehow, my friends accepted him. He was always around. I really like him.

Abigail yawned. “Where’s this going?”

Toya smirked. “It’s still quite long as you can see.”

“Paraphrase, biko,” Sybil said, and they all laughed.

Then he got admission into university. He still comes to church, but he acts as though it never happened.

“Hian? What never happened?”

“I just read the last sentence. You said I should round it up.”

“But we don’t even know what the issue is.”

“He liked her, she started liking him, and then he got admission, became a big boy overnight and now looking down on her.”

“They are youths. It’s infatuation.”

“Hey, wait. I see a kiss somewhere.”

“Yes, I see it. The first kiss was like heaven and AY continued from that day. We kissed at every opportunity. That’s a problem.”

“So, they are still young.”

“But this can happen to a woman of any age. He gets close to her, starts kissing and touching her…”

“Which I am totally against. Define the relationship, if at all.”

“Yes, that’s very important. From this tale, he never said anything.”

“I have heard of guys who never said anything, and the relationship just naturally progressed to marriage.”

“But those are few and far between. More are like this baboon who just took advantage of her. Broke into her inner circle and messed with her.”

“So, age is not important. We agree?”

“Yep. Verdict?”

“This is a heart break, but he really is not worth it. She should let go. Summon all her energy and courage.”

“Learn her lesson. Next guy just has to work harder.”

“She needs to learn to define her relationships. Coming around, buying her stuff, making her laugh…”

“Kissing her, no no.”

“Is not enough, as I was saying.”

“We identify with her, but she should just move on. Ignore him…”

“No, not ignore. Pretend it didn’t happen too. Act normal.”

“That’s a good point but why do you keep interrupting me?”

“You’re saying important things I want to say.”

“And so?”

“Roll your eyes all you want.”

“Haha. Let us pray, jor.”






“Yes. Sad.”



Toya shook her head. “We don’t advise men.” She giggled. “Though I could just imagine a desperate Frank come on a platform like ours.”

“Exactly. This sounds interesting but short,” Abigail said.

“As expected from a man.” Toya smiled. “Can I read?”

“All yours, Mrs. Odion,” Sybil said.

Toya smirked. “Yeah, right.”

This is not where I should be airing my complaint, but I have heard so much about you ladies, and as married women, I think you may be able to answer my query.

My name is IT and I have been married for seven years. It hasn’t been easy, but I love my wife very much. Recently, she got promoted at work, and I understand, her responsibilities have increased – she works for a chain store that deals with children’s clothes – as she is now a manager.

Before she got the promotion, to make love was a task. She would come home tired, and I understand. We have a three-year-old daughter, who is very active too. But I don’t think this is an excuse for a woman to not want her husband.

“It is not,” Sybil muttered.

I really understand, I do. But I am tired of begging her every night for what should be rightfully mine. I have done some research online, but nothing suggested has worked – give her time, romance her during the day (she hates being called or texted during work hours unless it is an emergency), make weekends special (she sometimes works on Sunday) – and so on. What do I do, ladies, please?

“Hmm, what does he do?” Toya exchanged glances with the other two.

“I don’t think a woman, who is in the right place in her mind will deprive her husband because of work.” Sybil shrugged. “I mean, I speak from my own experience. I didn’t want sex because I had other things I was dealing with, which necessarily didn’t have anything to do with Jimmy.”

Abigail arched an eyebrow. “Like?”

“Well, I was abused physically in my previous relationship, so I was dealing with that, and thinking this guy would brutalize me too.” Sybil swallowed. “I was raped, too.”

“Yeah, but let’s assume the wife of this man does not have issues.” Toya inhaled. “That for seven years their marriage has been good, and the change is just the job.”

“That’s an assumption, though,” Abigail said.

“My point exactly. There may be something else this man has not said.” Sybil rolled her eyes. “Let’s think. Why would a loving wife suddenly, because she’s busier at work not want her man?”

Toya peeked at the message. “He didn’t mention how long this has been going on. Only that it started after her promotion.”

“I mean, I am a housewife, so, I may not be in the best position to say much,” Abigal said, “but do I sense some jealousy in this man’s tone?”

“I sensed it too,” Toya said. “He sounds a little like he doesn’t approve her job.”

“So, it’s subtle but it’s there.” Sybil smiled. “And maybe he’s subtle with her too. Or tried to be subtle and she saw through him.”

“It makes sense that she will withdraw.” Toya nodded. “You know, we women are like a road network in centre city. Everything connects everywhere. While men are like a village road. One way in, one way out.”

The other two laughed.

“I like that. But it’s true,” Abigail said.

Toya shrugged. “She’s noticed he’s withdrawing from her career prospects and she beings to withdraw from him emotionally, which manifests first in bed.”

“The worst part is that he doesn’t realize.” Sybil chuckled. “He doesn’t make a connection.”


“He needs to start supporting her career and be more positive about it.”

“He needs to make offers, maybe to drop her at work? Or order dinner instead of for her to come home and cook.”

“Watch the baby while she rests once in a while.”

“Take her to a spa.”

“I like that.”

“More importantly, he needs to try and get her to talk to him. Confide in him. He needs her to trust him. It may not be any of these things we’re saying.”



“Well, not too bad to advise a man, after all,”

“More will pour in, believe me.”

“Bring it on, lol.”

“Let us pray.”





“He’s a fool.”